Above the clouds

I'm siting here on the airplane, 30,000 feet up on the air, getting farther away from my city, and it's got me thinking. 

Why do I spend so much time wanting a break, when the minute I arrived in the security line, I feel lonely?

What?! Are you crazy, Nora? You finally get away from the kids-- and to be alone with girlfriends for the first time in probably ten years, and you're missing them already? 

I guess so. Call me crazy, but when your life starts embedding in your children's lives more deeply with each passing year, I finally get what all those weepy-eyed college mothers are crying about.

When my kids were super little, I loved getting away. There was the time Travis and I ran away for three days to the Mexican beaches and I was so fed up with a one and a half and three year old, all I did for the whole car ride down there was eat almost an ENTIRE bag of Sunchips. Not fed up obviously, just delirious and hungry-- a bad combination when standing in a gas station. 

Now that they are (almost) out of toddlerhood, and with the advent of school years upon me, I am more tied in than I ever thought.

This is when it is time to detox. I'm not saying to run away from your children maliciously. Or to neglect your duties or ignore your children's physical or emotional needs. I just agree with many other smarter old school mothers: I have to take care of myself.

This is a concept discussed with much more eloquence by Anne Morrow Lindbergh in her book Gift from the Sea. She writes how important it is to create creative and emotional space for ourselves as women, because we get tied up in being caregivers.

I think we all need time, extended time, away from those we love as caregivers. It will honestly take me several days to detox from mom and wife mode and the distracting thoughts about dishwashers needing to be unloaded or to find that missing pacifier. I have to choose to distance myself, not by disconnecting or stop caring, but by getting away from the essential, well known belief women all have that it's all up to me.

When we get away, we know that no vegetables will be eaten, the floors won't be clean, the laundry bins will overflow and something WILL get lost or broken.

But in our love to be central to our households, we can sometime forget the freedom found in letting go. 

It would have happened anyways: the laundry and cleaning will never cease. Food will spoil in the dark recesses of the fridge to the best of us. Tears will be shed anyways.

We're important but also important as an individual. Caring about yourself, specifically, your own soul, mind and body isn't wrong. It's a good thing for both you and the ones you are entrusting to others.

I feel this way every morning I put a little sweet kindergartner on the bus. I have to 'entrust their souls to God while doing good'.

A great speaker at our church said it well:  faith is believing in character as much as capabilities. On a deeper level, I have to trust other caretakers that they are reliable in character as well as capabilities.

We would like to think that the kids will really miss us (most likely our spouses will after they spend a weekend or afternoon fending for it on their own), but we will probably miss them more. It is good for children to learn that the universe does not revolve around Mom either. Dads can really use the time alone, without us disturbing their mojo with interjections and 'that's not the way we usually do it' commentary. 

So, here's from the flight deck: fasten your safety belts and take off-- take off for an hour: don't worry about your kids or think about how if you're not there present with them, that you are disappointing them. For full-time moms as well as full-time working moms this helps us survive as well as spend our emotional energy wisely. Taking time off also helps us to recharge our capacity for helping them through life and crazy heart emotions. Getting away helps us use other parts of our brains, including strategic and creative centers.

Friends, when was the last time you got away?? I'm just going to try not to text my husband reminders of a million details this weekend for starters :)

First first.

The first first of many. We put Kate on the bus a few minutes ago for her first day of kindergarten. Although it is exciting to start a new adventure together, it is really hard to say goodbye. I was totally surprised by the tears that leaked out of the corners of my eyes as I smiled and waved.  She was very excited for the last few weeks, but a couple of nights ago, I think the reality sunk in for her too. She was going to be gone all day. All day. This isn't camp, or vacation bible school, but this is leaving her home life for something much bigger and much longer. She's usually a brave girl, not afraid of new people or places or experiences. But I could tell, for us both, that we were sad to leave each other. The bond that we've spent five years making is stretched with new distance. She has spent the time looking at the world through my eyes and now she will have new experiences that I will only see through her beautiful, blue eyes. I love you girl.

Back to school

I am trying to get prepared for a very busy fall. We head to our (last) beach trip the week after next and then it's back to school. Since I have a kindergartner and a preschooler this year, I have to make take-and-go lunches for the first time since I was in highschool.

One food challenge is new to me: the "nut-free" dilemma. Fortunately, with my background as a dietitian, I have some experience with this topic. That doesn't mean that it is easy to apply. Especially when you add two peanut-butter addicts to the mix.

When I asked K why she likes peanut butter so much, she said, "Because it's thick. It's salty. And it's crunchy.And it makes me feel good."

Enough said.

It's all this guy's fault: meet D, the man who eats peanut butter every day. I think my dad put a genetic code into our bodies to love the stuff. It might be a little thick to run like blood through our bodies, but with the amounts that my collective family eats, it might as well.

Alas, this causes a slight problem for school aged children in my household. Fortunately, for K, she can have nuts in her lunch, just not in her snack. Here's a list of lunch ideas I came up with to post on my fridge  (note: K doesn't like most cheese, so that creates additional obvious eliminations) so that I know what to do on coming morning rush moments...

"I'm Hungry"

If you're kids are like mine, they are hungry. "I'm hungry, Mom," or "Mommy, I need a 'nack," and "I'm starving." My friend and I always say that the sunshine makes them grow. Summer heat is here and the fridge cannot stay open any longer or my precious butter http://pinterest.com/pin/260082947203375136/ will melt. 

But what to feed them?  I'm with you. I definitely don't have it figured out. So, take this as a {public} brainstorming session. And don't think I came up with all of these myself; intelligence is often found in copying smarter people than yourself.

First of all, some education. You don't need as many calories as a kid does. What?!? You might be confused, but by weight little kids need more calories than adults. Basic nutrition science has determined that little kids need more calories and protein than adults, because they are physically adding mass to their body every minute until they are eighteen to twenty-two. Which would explain why they want to eat every. single. minute. of. the. day.

Let's start with MORE. My philosophy is that we all need to see nutrition through the MORE googles, not the LESS goggle. If adults don't take this approach, then the kids will imitate the bad habits, including negative attitudes about food.

What should you eat more?

More vegetables.

More nuts.

More seeds.

More dairy.

More vegetarian.

The science is there. Study after study after study show us that we should eat more of these foods, yet we continue to offer, buy and shop for prepared foods for our children. Now, don't get me wrong, I feed my children the occasional Cheezits. I don't want them growing up with a neurosis because their mother is a dietitian. And I want to help them learn to be inwardly motivated to be healthy.

Take the peanut-butter and Nutella phenomenon at my house as a case study. When I moved from Arizona to Virginia, I couldn't make and take my spring batch of strawberry jam. So we got a little overly attached to Nutella and peanut butter sandwiches all winter long. 

The other day my daughter comes to me and say, "O, Mom, I have such a tummy ache. I ate too much peanut butter and chocolate, and now my body hurts." I told her it was her fault for scooping out and eating a 1/2 cup of each of them as a snack and told her that too much of a good thing is just too much. 

So we parents, and I'm including myself in this, need to manage our children's appetites. Not that we deny them when they are hungry or thirsty, but, we should be teaching them which foods are better choices. Don't buy it if you don't want them to eat too much of it. Neither should we keep 90% snack foods in our pantries and then expect them to choose the withered apple in the fridge. 

We have to be more strategic. I always tell my friends and clients that we don't let our children choose whether or not they brush their teeth, so neither should we make healthy foods optional.

Here's a list of some snacks we keep around and I try to encourage:http://pinterest.com/pin/260082947203409886/

Hope you pull out a snack out of the back of your pantry, sit down and enjoy a summer snack with your kids!

Love,

Nora

Mommy Training

Who knew potty training would be so faith building?!?

This year has been filled with ups and down, highs and lows, and generally a lot of emotions.

My children have struggled with the move and adjustments. This morning we saw the red sun coming up over the edge of the East while we dropped Travis off at the bus stop; and Kate said to me, "Mom, I miss the sun. I miss that in Arizona."

Grant especially has had a hard time adjusting to everything new. His mood swings and his tantrums have been very challenging. On top of all those two and almost three year-old emotions, his whole environment has changed.

For a mom, just surviving the two and three year-old rollercoaster can be, well, like wrestling an untamed bear.
I could also say a few, not so choice, words about how it makes me feel about having another baby, but we'll leave that for another day.

With the gloom of winter settled in and the post-holiday glitz purged out, we have only everyday life.

When Grant told me he wanted underpants on Monday morning, I for groaned. So I dragged us all to 'Targie' and we started the potty training.

It worked.

By last night, Tuesday dinner time, he was telling me he had to go. By bedtime he totally got it, screaming hat he wanted me to change his 'diapie', even though it wasn't wet, he just didn't like the possibility of being wet.
And even though he wasnt dry when he woke up, we've made it to the potty this morning every time.

Now before you hate me, because, believe me, I have heard how hard boys can be to potty train, remember my past year. And my daughter was not easy to train (and they always say girls are earlier and easier to train?!)

This is a gift, a little present (excuse the pun) just for me.

Psalm 59:10 'My God in his steadfast love will meet me'

You have to cut me some slack because for the first time in a long time I have not worked. So, I am learning the daily routine of being a full-time stay-at-home mom thing. It is a really big adjustment.

Some mornings I wake up and cringe at the work ahead of me. Training and teaching children, on top of managing the household, is no wimpy job. I have been struggling to hold onto to truth about who I am and what my purpose is.

In those moments, The struggle is thats it is harder for me to remember that God wants me to be happy, not just get the work done or merely survive until naptime.

So God gave me a little sign, a reminder that He is listening to my moments of weariness, and my struggle to adjust myself and my children, and that he is paying attention to my enemies, both inward and outward-- He wants me to know that He will meet me: verse 10b
'God will let me look in triumph in my enemies'

This time He met me with my little guy, on the potty.
It was an easy victory.

Can I believe again that I too can triumph over other things, like my anger or frustrations, that it can be that easy too?!

What do you wish would be easy?!?

Grant. Big 2

Here is a photo review of my (not so little) man who will turn two on Sunday, May 13 in no particular order.

 Turning One

 First Beach Trip- 15 months. 

 First Bath

 First Camera Smile

 Crawling at six months.

Pulling to Standing

 Bathtime Crazies

 Love the blond duck fuzz hair.

 Playing in the mud- 13 months.

Every boy's favorite food: Spaghetti

 Big Boy Chucks which he could barely fit on his fat feet

 

  19 Months.

First Gingerbread House. 19 Months.

 Seven Months.

The famous potty shot.

Grant we love you so much for all your goofy smiles, your ball obsession, your tender heart towards your sister (you always share first), your big-ness and for just being a joy to see every morning, even if it is mostly before six in the morning.

Princess braids

And I always hated matching, right Emily? WelI, I guess I have changed!

Work at...Reading

Reading.
One challenge in my life is to keep reading--and in my busy life it becomes tricky. When? Ususally when the kids are bathing or during their naps (when I need a rest and not to get chores dones) and at night before bed. The other part of the challenge is what books??? My favorite source for less than junk writing is a magazine called Bas Bleu. I love their suggestions.

My new current/favorite reads are:
Tailor, Tinker, Soldier, Spy by John Le Carre (takes a long time to get going, but very suspenseful)
all of the books by Kate Morton (great beach read if you want something light)
Unbroken by Laura Hilldebrand
Team of Rivals: the Political Genius of Abraham Lincoln (see my sidebar-- long but interesting)
Grapes of Wrath by John Steinback (I know, why did it take me so long to get to it???)

The other challenge is to find good  books for my kids, not the run-of-the-mill books, but interesting stories to engage their minds. Grant is at that age where he doesn't want to sit still but he still wants the experience of holding the books. Count so far-- Grant = 2, Library books = 0; this library experience is not turning out to be cheaper than buying my own books. But Kate is fascinated right now. Especially since we found a new section where they keep the fairy-tales. Nothing like wolves and witches to keep them engaged...

Amos and Boris by William Stieg
Lon Po Po by Ed Young
Once a Mouse by Marcia Brown
Big and Small, Room for All by Jo Ellen Bogart
The Costume Party by Victoria Chase
Jack and the Beanstalk by Steven Kellogg
Does a Kangaroo Have a Mother, Too? by Eric Carle
Little Red Riding Hood retold and illustrated by Trina Schart Hyman
St Goerge and the Dragon retold by Margaret Hodges
Peter and the Wolf by Vladimir Vagin
Rapunzel by Jacoband Wilhelm Grimm, illustrated by Dorothee Duntze
Cinderella illustrated by Charles Parrault